Before Late Never Stops and Always It Is Too Late
By Grace Mary Flynn
I’m by myself until I’m not, and I thought solitude was favorable
in this home of adoration, and Janice is not with me. I do em-
bark alone, but to have Janice mistaken for presence at my side
is something to be seen while the man asks to interview me and
argues about something like performance art. More and more and
more, always; am I really doing this? He said I could do anything;
he has seen me devoted to the form, and yet I can no longer stay
quiet. Years come and years go, and I have never made a sound.
It does not matter for life is stolen early on from little girls like
me. He asks me about my name; what is my name? what does
my name mean? Why am I named the name I am named? I write
down on a brick size sheet of paper, Грейс. I forget about my
mother’s interactions, I have tried. To him, this means nothing,
and to me, it shouldn’t mean much, but it does, and I will follow it.
My name bothers me; I don’t recall a time when it hasn’t. But it is
said so severely and used so casually in the Bible, so that made
me think I don’t need to pray so much or not as much as other
arm bitters at my age. Some of us become priests, and some of
us wish we could. He made sure I could not forget; he used to
only call me by my full name, and when he stopped, we never
did stich ourselves up. And when they ask for my name at the
doctor at the hospital, at the safe house at the ward, at the exhi-
bition, at the funeral, my name no longer is mine. It only belongs
to those who shaped it. So many times, more than the questions
about me I am asked Why Janice? My coat is hung up, and Janice
glares to me from the prostitute seat. Why Janice? Because we
have no meaning in life besides a thimble of an idea of a per-
ception. And Janice can be naughty, and she used to remind
you of your great great aunt but how does it feel now as she
unbuttons your trousers? Tell me, what does she remind you
of now, at this moment? I won’t be forgiven for my marks of a
graceful territory, but they won’t ask about Janice anymore.