Lost in Translation

By Carlos Yu

I wanted to be in on the jokes too I hated asking

questions their mouths misshapen to cavernous

o’s of loss like they’ve seen me typing into Google

Translate I’m trying to resurrect the brown me

I’m trying to remember the world in

color this body filled brown memories contained

in estranged words ang bagyo ang habagat, ang

alaala, ako spectral words pass through me I feel

only inklings of emotion nothing ever lands only

the haunt of remembering the horror

of translation that pale reflection in the

mirror Fil-Am monster of

misremembering Frankenstein stitched

translucent skin green veined

envy even my body begs to know

what was so funny? If only I could have stayed, if only

I could understand, if only I could feel the weight

instead of this wishing this subjunctive suspension

nonexistence marked all over my chest and shoulders

loss scored onto skin I need a sunny day I‘d beg for my

skin to preserve the glow of memory I want to find the

routes of recall. But I don’t know where I am. I can’t

remember.