To Do List

By Olivia Modica

☐ I wake up. It’s three in the morning.
☐ I go back to bed.
☐ I wake up. It’s seven in the morning.
☐ I try to go back to bed.
☐ I wake up. It’s seven in the morning.
☐ I push the covers back. I scream.
☐ I make myself get out of bed. My feet touch the cold hardwood.
☐ I take a too hot shower. My skin is red afterwards.
☐ I choose not to dry my hair.
☐ I put on my makeup. I hate how I look.
☐ I take off my makeup.
☐ I put on my makeup again, but this time I like it.
☐ I make myself get dressed. My clothes feel too tight.
☐ I wear them anyway.
☐ I forget that I hate mint.
☐ I brush my teeth until my gums bleed.
☐ I feel clean.
☐ I remember that I hate mint.
☐ I sit on my bed.
☐ I scroll through my phone.
☐ I make myself get out of bed.
☐ I eat a bowl of stale cereal.
☐ I chew slowly, but I don’t enjoy it.
☐ I make a mental note to buy more cereal.
☐ I grab my keys.
☐ I trip over my cat.
☐ I face plant on the cold floor.
☐ I drop my keys on the table.
☐ I put on my makeup again.
☐ I grab my keys.
☐ I lock the door.
☐ I get in the car to drive to work.
☐ I get out of the car because I forgot my wallet.
☐ I grab my wallet.
☐ I get distracted because my cat is doing something cute.
☐ I stop.
☐ I hear my phone rings. That’s not on the list.
☐ I leave a couple spaces blank.
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☐ I find out he’s dead.
☐ I didn’t plan for this to happen today.
☐ I go back to bed.
☐ I cry a little.
☐ I cry some more.
☐ I cry a lot.
☐ I make myself get out of bed.
☐ I dry my eyes.
☐ I go to work.
☐ I smile, I work.
☐ I cry a little.
☐ I dry my eyes.
☐ I scroll through all the missed texts.
☐ I cry some more.
☐ I dry my eyes.
☐ I can’t stop my hands from shaking.
☐ I don’t eat lunch.
☐ I wish I had.
☐ I call my mom. She cries too.
☐ I hang up after hours of talking.
☐ I try to find meaning in our conversation.
☐ I fail.
☐ I get yelled at because I took too long of a break.
☐ I yell back.
☐ I get fired.
☐ I don’t care today, even though I would’ve any other day.
☐ I drive home.
☐ I almost hit a stop sign.
☐ I call my boyfriend. He doesn’t pick up.
☐ I cry a little.
☐ I cry some more.
☐ I cry a lot.
☐ I call my mom. She cries too.
☐ I dry my eyes.
☐ I sit on my bed.
☐ I pull the covers over myself.
☐ I go to sleep.
☐ I wake up. It’s midnight.
☐ I microwave myself something frozen. I don’t know what it is but I don’t really care.
☐ I burn my hand taking it out.
☐ I chew slowly.
☐ I don’t think about what it tastes like.
☐ I think about him.
☐ I wish he hadn’t died.
☐ I wish I hadn’t made myself a microwave dinner.
☐ I wish I hadn’t yelled back at my boss.
☐ I think about him.
☐ I cry a little.
☐ I cry some more.
☐ I cry a lot.
☐ I don’t dry my eyes.
☐ I look at myself in the mirror.
☐ I look at my cat on the kitchen counter.
☐ I look at myself in the mirror.
☐ I look at the clock.
☐ It’s one in the morning.
☐ I look at myself in the mirror.
☐ I go back to bed.
☐ I wake up. It’s three in the morning.